RESIGNATION

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.

I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it’s a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.

I want to think M&Msare better than money because you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hotsummer’s day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple, when all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes,but that didn’t bother you, because you didn’t know what you didn’t know and you didn’t care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair.

That everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible.

I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again.

I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes,

mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So . . . here’s my checkbook and my car keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.

And if you want to discuss this further, you’ll have to catch me first, cause……..

…..”Tag! You’re it.”

This is certainly worth a read!

A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle.
They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed .
They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair . Women with short hair are not common targets.

2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly .
Many of them carry scissors around specifically to cut clothing.

3) They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse, or doing other activities while walking because they are off-guard and can be easily overpowered.

4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5: 00a.m. and 8:30a.m.

5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store parking lots .
Number two: is office parking lots/garages.
Number three: is public restrooms.

6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to another location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.

7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.

8 ) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas , or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon.
So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.

10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are:
If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question , like what time is it, or make general small talk:
“I can’t believe it is so cold out here,” “we’re in for a bad winter.”
Now you’ve seen their face and could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target.

11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell STOP or STAY BACK !
Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or show ed that she would not be afraid to fight back . Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes), yelling “I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY” and holding it out will be a deterrent.

13) If someone grabs you , you can’t beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the Arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR in the upperinner thigh VERY VERY HARD . One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it - it hurts.

14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN . I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful . You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.

15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings , take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts!!!

You may feel a l ittle silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

1 Tip from Tae Kwon Do : The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans . If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM .
Toss it away from you….chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you, but everybody else will. Thi s has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go.
AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head,
DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5 A few notes about getti ng into your car in a parking lot or parking garage:

A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.

B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible pla ces to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times. And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, preferably in a zigzag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP! It may get you raped or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well-educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her “Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.”

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, “We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.” He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby’s cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it , but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby’s cries outside their doors when they’re home alone at night.

Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby —-This should be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America ’s Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana

I’d like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping.(Darn, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.(the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap.”(and that would be how???….)
On some Swanson frozen dinners — “Serving suggestion: Defrost.”(but, it’s “just” a suggestion).
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — “Do not turn upside down.”(well…duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding — “Product will be hot after heating.”(…and you thought????…)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron — “Do not iron clothes on body.”(but wouldn’t this save me more time)?
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid — “Warning: May cause drowsiness.”(and…I’m taking this because???….)
On most brands of Christmas lights — “For indoor or outdoor use only.”(as opposed to…what)?
On a Japanese food processor — “Not to be used for the other use.”(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury’s peanuts — “Warning: contains nuts.”(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts — “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”(Step 3: maybe, uh..fly Delta?)
On a child’s Superman costume — “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw — “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.”(Oh my God…was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

A story I heard…

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was ‘just the cutest thing!’

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, ‘Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet?’

Knowledge is knowing a Tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is knowing Not to put one in a fruit salad! ;)

Some people are like slinkies,
They don’t really have a purpose,
But they still bring a smile to your face
When you push them down the stairs.

so far so good…

now to establish what all the Other clickable thingys do! :D

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