Bland Rounds

It is not often I am compelled to consider arson, but the jam-packed reflexology station at the Florida State Fair came very close to producing such thoughts. At the entrance to this shrine to pseudoscience was a poster-sized version of this image:

As you can see, the way to a man’s heart is actually through the bottom of his foot. This poster was supplemented by several other posters which included innumerable bullet points scattered about the various boards like spilled marbles. There was a bullet-point list of conditions that reflexology treats, a bullet-point list of toxins, a bullet-point list of reflexology products, a bullet-point list of the benefits of reflexology, and a bullet-point list of benefits of foot detoxification. Empirically measurable results was curiously absent.

Perhaps most intriguing — and by intriguing I mean annoying – was the fact that this booth was the most popular booth in the general area. There was actually a line of people waiting to get into what was apparently the detoxification zone. Eight or nine chairs were set up in the exhibit, all of them filled with bodies eager to rid themselves of the “some 500 toxins” they encounter daily. Rid the toxins through their feet, of course.

• Toxins are the cause of most diseases.

At the foot of each chair was a tub full of liquid and an IonInfra machine. This machine runs a low current through the water, which helps remove toxins from your body by introducing “millions of ions” into your bloodstream. These ions then neutralize toxins and remove waste from your bloodstream through your feet. The water changes color and consistency throughout this whole process..

• You’ll see the excreted toxins in the water. The water will change color and consistency—from orange, brown through to black.

The actual pamphlet explaining the mechanism of action of this machine had to be seen to be believed. At the time, I did not have the presence of mind to snag a pamphlet to scan — I was too busy deciding whether or not it was justified to be visibly angry that such idiocy was being shoved on an unsuspecting public for a profit. However, I found the manufacturers website which contained the same mind-boggling science included in the pamphlet. Here are some excerpts:

“It generates a frequency to create negative ions. It aims to improve, among other things, liver and kidney function through an electro-magnetic detoxification process carried out on the feet. The treatment is normally given by placing your feet in water in which an “array” will be activated. When the Ion Cleanse Detox is activated it produces ions (positive and negative) This causes movement and Any time you have electrical movement you will have a magnetic field. A magnetic field will vary in force. This variance is called a wave length or FREQUENCY will cause a VIBRATORY RATE OR TONE”

“A water molecule is composed of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom. When the molecule loses a hydrogen atom, the remaining OH molecule takes on a negative charge. As you walk along the beach, your body absorbs millions of these negatively charged ions, which alkalize the blood and tissue. Because of poor diet and high stress, we tend to accumulate and store excessive quantities of waste products, such as diacetic, lactic, pyruvic, uric, carbonic, acetic, butyric, and hepatic acids.”

“The IonInfra (Ion Detox) creates precisely the same environment as the walk along the beach, only more powerfully because your feet are in direct contact with the ions being manufactured in the water. Place your feet in the water, turn on the unit and within seconds, millions of ions enter your body and begin to neutralize these tissue acid wastes.“

I found it absolutely dumbfounding that some people people were eating this up. It was clear from the various conversations taking place that several people were taking a serious interest in purchasing this $750 contraption.

As I watched this spectacle, my mind explored various explanations for the change in water color. I also thought of several very easy ways to test the InfraIon detox process. All I needed was a syringe, a helpful detox technician, a water sample, and a medical laboratory willing to do my bidding. For free. Unfortunately I was unable to secure the latter necessity. Dr. Mark Atkins and Ben Goldacre of The Guardian’s Bad Science, however, had both the equipment and a willing laboratory to carry out such an experiment.

To be continued…