This is going back a few years now, but I just found it now. Objective: Missionaries has (or had, I can find a more recent link) a science fair devoted to children’s science projects that attempt prove creation science.

There are so many contradictions in that last statement, I don’t know where to start, but I prefer to let the “science fair” speak for itself:

First prize at the elementary school level was given to cute little Cassidy Turnbull, grade 5, for her project entitled My Uncle Is A Man Named Steve (Not A Monkey). Her study demonstrated that her uncle was not a monkey by his refusal to eat bananas and by observing the differences in external morphology between her uncle and monkeys (Monkius sp.). Apparently, by qualitatively demonstrating Steven’s non-simian taxonomy, creation theory has been proven. It’s amazing what those elementary school kids can do these days. Science has gone a long way.

At the middle school level, there were many good projects, but first prize went to Patricia Lewis (grade 8) in her experiment clearly disproving Miller-Urey’s findings, sufficiently falsifying abiogenesis theory, Life Doesn’t Come From Non-Life. Ms. Lewis placed a charcoal carbon source, purified water and a multivitamin into a jar and sealed it. Praying God not to perform any miracles in her experiment (as a negative control) she left the jar sealed, exposing it only to solar energy for three weeks. Upon inspection, she found that no life had evolved. The obvious conclusion being that abiogenesis is impossible under any set of conditions.

Second place at the middle school level earns brief mention. Jonathan Goode (grade 7) demonstrates for us that Women Were Designed For Homemaking. Using analysis from several different fields, Dr. Goode shows that women have a lower center of balance, making them ideal for carrying groceries, designed to carry unborn babies and, as inferior wage earners, are unfit to hold paid jobs.

Finally, at the high school level the projects were a little bit more involved, so readers should be aware some background research may be necessary, you may want to check out the Center for Creation Studies website for more.

The second place prize was awarded to Jason Spinter’s (grade 12) for his study on Maximal Packing Of Rodentia Kinds: A Feasibility Study. Spinter wanted to test the feasibility of packing rodents into a small space to see if they could withstand the types of conditions faced on Noah’s ark. To do this he, essentially, shoved rats, gerbils and mice into a small cage and suspended the cage from the ceiling. Despite rocking the cage, the animals were able to thrive and reproduce, thereby proving that animals could have survived a trip on Noah’s ark. Presumably this was only because PETA had not been organized yet.

And, finally, first place goes to Eileen Hyde and Lynda Morgan (grades 10 & 11) for their study entitled Using Prayer To Microevolve Latent Antibiotic Resistance In Bacteria. The purpose of the study was to show that microevolution in bacteria, causing antibiotic resistance, is caused by divine intervention alone. Escherichia coli grown on agar media were exposed to tetracycline and chlorotetracycline. The following prayer was recited: “Dear Lord, please allow the bacteria in [experimental] Group A to unlock the antibiotic-resistant genes that You saw fit to give them at the time of Creation. Amen.” They found that, after 5 generations, drug resistance was higher (qualitatively) in the experimental than the control group, which did not receive the prayer.

Of course, this research is already 8 years old, but doubtless great strides continue to be made by America’s young creation scientists. We can be assured that the indoctrination education of our children will continue at breakneck speed. I’m sure soon that creation scientists will discover direct evidence of their creator, so they will no longer have to directly attack sound evolutionary theory in order to prove creation theory occurred exactly the way they believe.

Until then, however, creation scientists will have to stick to experiments that show humans aren’t monkeys, disproving abiogenesis by putting random things into jars, repressing women, shoving rats into small cages and praying that God gives bacteria resistance to our most important drugs… all to prove that those Godless heathens evolutionary biologists are going to hell bad scientists.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 14th, 2008 at 5:26 pm and is filed under creationism, evolution. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.