This Just In: Bearing False Witness No Longer a Sin
Apparently, anyway.
How American fundamentalist schools are using Nessie to disprove evolution
Jonny Scaramanga, 27, who went through the ACE programme as a child, but now campaigns against Christian fundamentalism, said the Nessie claim was presented as “evidence that evolution couldn’t have happened. The reason for that is they’re saying if Noah’s flood only happened 4000 years ago, which they believe literally happened, then possibly a sea monster survived.
“If it was millions of years ago then that would be ridiculous. That’s their logic. It’s a common thing among creationists to believe in sea monsters.”
Private religious schools, including the Eternity Christian Academy in Westlake, Louisiana, which follows the ACE curriculum, have already been cleared to receive the state voucher money transferred from public school funding, thanks to a bill pushed through by state Governor Bobby Jindal.
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The Grand Canyon is proof of Noah’s flood! Stacked sedimentary layers a 6000 feet deep could only have been deposited by the Great Flood. The Snake River Canyon, another deep gash, is also incontrovertable confirmation of the Great Flood. That its layers are basalt, tufa, and other igneous rocks is the work of the Devil, to fool you as a test of faith.
After the whole Earth was flooded to immeasurable depths, 1) Did the oceans dilute to negligible salinity with fresh water?, 2) Was the land rendered forever sterile with salt water?, 3) Either way, from were did so many thousands of cubic miles of water come and go? 4) When so much mass was added to the Earth’s surface, how much did the length of the day change given conservation of angular momentum for the input, viscous dissipation, then conservation of angular momentum for the outflow?
In point of fact, the Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster was in charge of marinara. This meatball has its own chef. Every Pastafarian knows that.