You Too Can Be a Snake Oil Salesman

For “magic bracelet” type products it’s even easier. Your product essentially works by magic, so just throw out a bunch of technobabble that doesn’t mean anything. Keep up with the latest buzzwords for maximal effectiveness, but here are some suggestions: “Balances your energy frequencies,” “Quantum whatever,” “Works on the nano cellular level, “Resonates with your connecticazoit.” Make sure to include at least one reference to “quantum” or “energy” and you’re good.

One tip that’s not spelled out completely is that testimonials generally make no causal claim. “I use this and I’ve never felt better” or “after using this, my pain went away” doesn’t actually mean the product has anything to do with the end results. But it’s easy to get people to fall for post hoc, ergo propter hoc — happened after, therefore was caused by. (Hey, nuclear weapons weren’t invented until after women got the right to vote. Just sayin’.)