Adobe Updater popped up on my computer this morning, telling me to update Acrobat, and for once this didn’t happen while I was actually using the program or my browser — it seems to usually check only when the program is in active use for maximum inconvenience. So I installed the patch, and descended into hell. Once the updater was done, it re-launched the program, which was suddenly possessed. Besides the head spinning, pea soup spewing and saying, “your mother sews socks that smell,” it proceeded to open every goddamn pdf file on my computer. OK, not strictly true — it stopped when it reached 50, because that’s the limit on open files. But when I clicked on the error message, it just came up with another one, because it was continuing to try and open more files. Killing and relaunching the program just repeated the experience.

After Googling and being unable to uncover any instance of this happening (so there’s no posted solution), I tried to contact Adobe through their website. They want you to register for online help, and this requires that you opt-in to their spam.

There’s no way to say “don’t contact me.” Screw you, Adobe. I’ll reinstall.