Tips on Winning the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Or so it would seem

Blog: how to write badly well

For instance, in Skip blithely between tenses

I sit at my desk with my head in my hands and sighed. It is only three days until the deadline, I think, and I’m going to have had to finished everything before then. If only I have finish this now, I thought and lean back on my chair. Just then, the phone has rung. I am answering it.
‘Hello?’ I am going to have said. It is my boss; he was angry, but not as angry as I remember him being when I am handing in the work late, four days from now.

‘Is this work going to have been finished when it is currently the deadline which, at present, is in the future?’ he demanded. ‘I am planning to have been waiting for it, as I presently am.’

Bad writing. Leonard Pinth-Garnell would approve, I’m sure.

And no forgetting a link to the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest itself