I just got a new iPod Touch. My old iPod — purchased before the touch was on the market — is suffering from rapid battery depletion, and isn’t going to serve its purpose of distracting me for a long period of time on an upcoming trip to the left coast. So I decided to buy myself a present. It’s my birthday, and besides, I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and, doggone it, people like me! Even after playing with it for only a short time, I found myself thinking that the whole web-surfing experience would be so much better with a larger screen and omigod. I’ve just purchased a gateway gadget, and addiction is imminent. I expect I’ll be jonesing for an iPad before long. But not before I rant a little.

Which brings to mind a number of articles I’ve read over the years, usually appearing in bunches whenever a new product has hit the market, which have tried to convince me that Apple actually sucks, and I’m just a victim of a slick marketing campaign. Yeah, right. The hypnosis must be very good, because I keep buying, which makes me a fanboy in the mind of many critics, in whose world there are two types of people: those who loathe Apple, and fanboys who unquestioningly buy the products, despite the fact that they suck. And I just don’t get it.

I bought a sports car because I wanted a sports car and is (for all practical purposes) a two-seater. Trying to convince me that I’ve been duped, and that I don’t love my sports car — and I couldn’t possibly enjoy it, because it has insufficient seating — seems pretty stupid. If I had wanted or needed a car that seats four or eight, I would have gotten a sedan or a minivan. If I had purchased a sports car knowing that I needed more seating capacity, I would be an idiot. But if you think I bought it because I was taken in by some glitzy ad, I think you have misjudged things. Sucky products suck because they don’t work the way they are supposed to, and good products do. That’s the dividing line. My car doesn’t have a trailer hitch, but that’s because it’s not designed to haul a trailer, not because it’s a shoddy product.