If sports got reported like science..

HOST: In sports news, Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti today heavily criticised a controversial offside decision which denied Didier Drogba a late equaliser, leaving Chelsea with a 1-all draw against Sunderland.
INTERCOM: Wait. Hold it. What was all that sports jargon?
HOST: It’s just what’s in the script. All I did was read it – I’ve got no idea what it’s really on about.
INTERCOM: Nobody without a PhD in football’s going to understand that. Who wrote this crap? It’s elitist rubbish, people will just turn off when they hear it. “Late equaliser”? “Offside”? We’ve got to get this rewritten so it’s more accessible.

They need to work in how the early goal by Sunderland violated or has rewritten some rule, except that it didn’t, in order to parallel all of those science stories that claim that relativity has been violated or evolutionary theory has been upset by some discovery, only to find that (of course) nothing of the sort actually happened.