The Onion: Roster-Depleted Bears Sign Tire Swing For Cutler To Throw To

Analysts say that, while the move is somewhat unorthodox, Chicago was prudent in passing on veteran free agents Amani Toomer and Joe Jurevicius in favor of offering the tire swing a 3-year, $2.4 million contract.

I have Cutler on my Fantasy team, and he led me to our league’s Super Bowl (which I ended up losing in a stunning week-17 scoring collapse, while my opponent exploded for 97 points to overcome my 26-point lead from week 16 and win by 31). The trade to the Bears was a definite downgrade for me.