Published by swansont on March 30, 2013
under Physics, Satire
In case you missed it, an Idaho biology teacher was recently under scrutiny for the unforgivable act of saying the word “vagina” in a class on human reproduction. (To add insult to idiocy, or idiocy to insult, the superintendent says “It is highly unlikely it would end with his dismissal. Maybe a letter of reprimand from the school board.” WTF?)
Anyway, Frank Noschese has a physics-related commentary, in the form of a letter about part of the physics curriculum: Dear Parents. It’s not often I file things under both physics and satire. The section on “Giggle-inducing Scientific Terminology” is absolute gold.
Winning entry in the Mad Science Fair by Dr. Allison von Lonsdale of the Institute for Dangerous Research.
…
1. A sample of Pure Evil was obtained from the ruins o f an exploded toaster in the south of England.
2. Pure Evil was administered, via drinking water, to pregnant laboratory teddy bears for the duration of their pregnancy (4 months).
3. Dosage varied from 0 parts per million (ppm) to 1000ppm, titrating upwards by steps of 100pm.
4. Offspring were euthanized and mounted for display.
[T]o make it entirely fair, Eternal Copyright should be retroactively applied so that current generations may benefit from their ancestors’ works rather than allowing strangers to rip your inheritance off. Indeed, by what right do Disney and the BBC get to adapt Alice in Wonderland, Sleeping Beauty, and Sherlock without paying the descendants of Lewis Carroll, the Brothers Grimm, and Arthur Conan Doyle?
Of course, there will be some odd effects. For example, the entire Jewish race will do rather well from their eternal copyright in much of the Bible, and Shakespeare’s next of kin will receive quite the windfall from the royalties in the thousands of performances and adaptations of his plays – money well earned, I think we can all agree.
Short version: TSA confiscates some pipes (not the smoking kind) even though they were determined not to be a threat. Forgets about them. Next shift sees them and goes WTF? and calls the bomb squad. But no evacuation ensues.
Several law enforcement sources told CNN the objects were determined to be homeopathic medical devices.
If it was a homeopathic bomb, then it would have beed diluted of all explosive materials, making it (homeopathically) the most dangerous explosive device EVAR!
There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one’s safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. [Bomber pilot] Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. … Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.
One of my favorites, even if I didn’t “get” some of it the first time I read it back when I was a teenager.
The annual announcement of Nobel Prize winners was once again marred by vandalism this year, with triumphant fans of the 2011 laureates mobbing Stockholm streets last week, breaking shop windows and setting bonfires as they celebrated remarkable achievements in economics, physics, medicine, and other disciplines.
Apparently the satire based on congress (or a subset thereof) holding the country hostage didn’t go over too well.
D.C.-based photographer Dave Stroup tweeted: “Not sure what’s worse, people not knowing the Onion is fake, or that it seemed believable that Members of Congress would take kids hostage.”
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