Swans on Tea

Click the pic for the link. Go for the hover tag — it’s worth it.

English Professors and other language professionals, long jealous of the attention and funding afforded the Large Hadron Collider and other “big physics” projects, have embarked on a new research initiative: that of high-energy language. The ambitious project will follow several avenues of investigation in an attempt to invigorate the field of research.
“We [...]

Bart’s Blackboard
Archive of Bart Simpson’s Blackboard Writings

The Onion: Eagles Settle For Field Goal After 260-Yard Drive
“It’s disappointing not to score a touchdown when you keep a drive alive for more than three and a half quarters,” said quarterback Donovan McNabb, who completed 32 of his 66 passes, converted 26 first downs, and was carted off the field for X-rays twice [...]

CSI Zoom Story

Report: Yankees Trademarked ‘Yankees Suck’ Chant In 1996
U.S. Patent and Trademark Office records show that every time an individual chants, shouts, or writes the words “Yankees suck,” the New York Yankees organization earns at least $2.15, an amount that escalates depending on repetition, volume, and whether the phrase was used during a national broadcast”>U.S. Patent [...]

WHAT TO EXPECT: THE THIRD DECADE.
Keep in mind that all adults reach their developmental milestones at their own pace. It is important not to compare your adult’s rate of development to that of his peers. The following list is meant only as a guideline and not as a cause for alarm

The Onion: NFL Scientists Postulate Theoretical Down Before First Down
Citing the extremely low level of entropy present before a normal set of football downs, scientists from the NFL’s quantum mechanics and cosmology laboratories spoke Monday of a theoretical proto-down before the first.

The Onion: Nadir Of Western Civilization To Be Reached This Friday At 3:32 P.M.
Experts predict that the penultimate catastrophe will occur at approximately 7:15 p.m. Thursday night, when the social networking tool Twitter will be used to communicate a series of ideas so banal they will instantaneously negate the three centuries of the Renaissance.

The Onion: Rare Centuple Play Ends Mets’ Season
This was the most outs recorded on a single play since the 2004 Montreal Expos were eradicated from the league after hitting into an ∞-play
I’m a Yankees fan, making it easier to laugh at this national-league humor.

Cracked: If Hollywood Taught Science Class

The Onion: Conspiracy Theorist Convinces Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked
Although Armstrong said he “could have sworn” he felt the effects of zero gravity while soaring out of the Earth’s atmosphere and through space, he now believed his memory must be flawed. He also admitted feeling “ashamed” that he had failed to notice the [...]