The American Way

Anti-Terrorist Fantasy Dream Team on the Case

“I believe a fictional threat is best met with decisive fictional force,” explained President Obama. “Jack Bauer and Wolverine are among the very best we have when in comes to combating fantasy foes.” Mr. Bauer said, “We’re quite certain that our prisons are secure. Osama bin Laden and his agents wouldn’t dare attempt a break-out, and would fail miserably if they tried. But I love this country. And should Lex Luthor, Magneto or the Loch Ness Monster attack, we’ll be there to stop them.”
[…]
Republican Newt Gingrich also condemned the president’s actions. “President Obama seems to think that crapping one’s pants is a bad thing somehow,” said the former Speaker of the House, “but crapping one’s pants is what this country was founded on. The Reagan Revolution wouldn’t have happened without fear of evil Soviets and welfare queens. And say what you will about President Bush, he kept this country crapping its pants for seven long years after 9/11.”

via