The Onion: Republicans Vote To Repeal Obama-Backed Bill That Would Destroy Asteroid Headed For Earth
“This law is a job killer,” said Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC), who argued the tax increases required to save the human species from annihilation would impose unbearably high costs on businesses. “If we sit back and do nothing, Obamastroid will result in hundreds of thousands of lost jobs, which we simply can’t afford in this economy.”
“And consider how much money this program will add to our already bloated deficit,” Foxx continued. “Is this the legacy we want to leave our children?”
Give the asteroid an overall 1.8 cm/sec thrust normal to its orbit and it will miss Earth by 1.1 planetary diameters when it arrives. One long rod penetrator three-stage themonuclear warhead will do it. The trick is to keep NASA out of it.
Dust off the last functional Saturn V, fuel it with JP-10 instead of RP-1, ask the Russians for another Tsar bomb, and have ESA light that candle. Strap Benjamin “BS” Bernanke to the launch pad before ignition and America is saved.
http://finance.yahoo.com/tech-ticker/the-perfect-bailout-fannie-and-freddie-now-send-taxpayer-cash-directly-to-wall-street-535882.html