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Your Horoscope

Published by swansont on August 5, 2008 07:37 am under Other science, Physics, Satire, science-y observation, Silly

ARES — Perseverance is your word today. You will not become frustrated at your continued inability to separate quarks from each other.

TAURUS — You will suspect that the force pushing you away from the center of a circle is in fact a figment of your imagination, and would not be there if you were to analyze your motion in an inertial reference frame.

GEMINI — Don’t let your curiosity get the better of you. Checking which path the particles are taking will destroy the interference pattern of that double-slit experiment, and you will be found out.

CANCER — The positions of the stars and planets will have no effect on your daily existence.

LEO — All around you, elementary particles and antiparticles will pop into existence and then wink out, but you will remain calm and blissfully unaware of them.

VIRGO — Weigh your choices carefully: your decision to flap your arms or not will affect the weather far away. Breaking that high-level encryption will be easier once you finish that quantum computer you’ve been working on.

LIBRA — Despite your best efforts, you will increase entropy when converting thermal energy to mechanical work. You will strive to conserve energy, and succeed.

SCORPIO — You are a cold-blooded mass-murderer and “Dirty Harry” Callahan will make sure you get what’s coming to you. The number “five” figures prominently in your day.

SAGITTARIUS — You will be unable to simultaneously determine the position and momentum of any objects today, nor place two fermions in the same quantum state. Not a good time to start a new relationship with another spin 1/2 particle.

CAPRICORN — Ennui sets in: you continue to be affected by the same physics, unchanged, no matter which inertial reference frame you find yourself in.

AQUARIUS — Despite your best attempt to be in two places at once, quantum superposition eludes your grasp, partly because the creep in accounting keeps trying to “measure” you.

PISCES — You notice that your buoyancy is equal to the weight of water that you displace. Resist the urge to announce this fact overzealously.

7 Comments so far

  1. Ron on August 5th, 2008

    Best. Horoscope. Ever.

  2. mrsemmapeel on August 5th, 2008

    spot on!

  3. Betul on August 6th, 2008

    now this is real science :)

  4. Abraham on August 7th, 2008

    Great stuff

  5. HarleySpirit on September 23rd, 2008

    Capricorn: Avoid superstitions like astrology!

  6. John Scanlon FCD on October 6th, 2008

    Just goes to show there’s really something to astrology: every Scorpio I know is like that.

  7. Orion on April 9th, 2009

    Funny!

Posting your comment.

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