Swans on Tea

Phone conversation overheard in Hell’s IT department:

Sir, I have to get you to change your password to comply with the new protocols.

It’s to keep our servers safe, sir. We’re at risk. There are a lot of hackers out there.

Well, yes, sir, many of them are hellraisers, and ultimately that’s a good thing, but we were pwned last week and a religious inspirational page was up instead of ours.

It’s computer jargon, sir, never mind. This is about your password.

Sir, we have a great firewall but I’m afraid it’s not good enough anymore.

No, sir, more brimstone won’t help. It’s the internet sir — there are too many savvy hackers out there, and we have to stay ahead of the curve.

Yes, having Al Gore help start it and then look foolish for claiming to have invented it was genius. So was getting him to champion global warming so that lots of people could deny it. But your password sir. It needs to be changed. At least eight characters, with capitals, numbers and symbols.

I know 666 is your number, sir. Everybody knows. That’s the problem.

Yes, eight characters. And to give you a horns up, fifteen characters is coming as soon as we upgrade the server software. And you’ll have to change it every 60 days. Can’t use words in the dictionary. Also, even though I know you will, I must tell you not to write it down.

No, sir, writing it in blood still counts.

I won’t argue with that, sir. It’s a pain in everyone’s rear. But if it’s any consolation, these policies are being adopted topside, so if it’s any consolation, you can say they are using the security measures from hell.

Yes, sir, I know “alphanumeric of the beast” doesn’t have the same ring to it. Maybe PR can help you with that sir. Goodbye, sir.