Large Hadron Collider spitting out lost socks

“It started on Tuesday, when a single white gym sock was found inside the collider,” said Dr Thomas Engelson. “At first, we thought it was a prank or something left behind by one of the construction workers. We removed it, and, following our next high-energy collision, the accelerator was found to have filled with more than one hundred thousand socks. They had popped out of all the tiny black holes the collider produces.”

Immediately following their appearance, the socks were warm to the touch. Engelson said that it was probably the result of the energy dispelled at being burped from the black holes, but scientists are investigating the possibility that they have come straight from people’s tumble dryers.

“They were also full of static,” said Engelson. “It is absolutely conceivable that the socks have been transported directly from tumble dryers, via some undiscovered, invisible vortex created by the heat, static and repetitive circular motion of a tumble dryer.” The only thing confusing this theory is that the fibres on some analysed socks date back to the early 1900’s, a few years after the clothes dryer was invented.