What a Weird World

Deep in space, a fire burns.

It is not an ordinary fire. It is the heat of uncountable gazillions of tiny pairs of protons and electrons being squished together at incredible temperatures, releasing scads of energy. The energy is transmitted outward, through clouds of zillions of other pairs, until finally it reaches the surface of this giant ball of fusing protons. Off it goes, zipping through space at ludicrous speed, until some of it — a tiny portion of it — is stopped.

This particular portion happens to have collided with a collection of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen atoms arranged in such a fashion that its energy contributes to a complex chemical reaction, helping to link twenty-four globs of proton, neutron and electron together into a giant chunk of atomic soup. This chunk is passed around in a veritable sea of watery goop, until finally it is broken apart again and used for fuel.

That atomic soup was partially composed of water, another oddity. This particular water was part of a huge collection of water much like it, interspersed with various salt molecules, which simply sits, unsure of what to do with its life, on a giant bed of sand and rock. For fun, it slow-dances to the rhythm of the coming and going of another chunk of rock a quarter of a million miles above it, shifting around on its bed slowly, like it’s about to pass out.

But back to that atomic soup. Eventually the structure housing it is ripped from its comfortable bed of ground-up rocks and organic matter, mashed into small bits, and then doused in a bath of acids which gradually separate some of those balls of protons and electrons. From there it moves on to a long fluid-filled tube where some of those chunks are absorbed through the walls, into a stream of watery, reddish fluid with iron in it.

That fluid, being pushed in its containing tube by a pump made of soft organic matter that pulses in a particular rhythm, gradually works its way up. Reaching its destination, our chunks are ingested by tiny wriggling balls of chemicals which use them as building materials and energy sources for further wriggling and squirming.

Let’s not forget where this is all happening: on a giant ball of rock, soft on the inside and crunchy on the outside, bathed in water and hurtling through space at a speed generally considered unsafe for travel. It’s circling around the aforementioned giant fireball, which circles around a chunk of stuff so huge other stuff can’t help but fall right in.

And this chunk of rock, this fireball, this other huge chunk, are all but one of billions and billions of their kind floating around the universe.

Whatever your religious affiliation, or lack thereof, I hope this post has made you think of just how fantastically insanely weird and complex our universe really is. Maybe God did it, maybe it’s a consequence of our complex rules of physics and the patterns that spring from them; regardless, this is one hell of a crazy place to live in. So stop acting so unsurprised at everything.

Nerd Poetry

This is what happens when you tell a nerd to write poetry.

‘Twas a warm summer day in La-La Land,
Fields of grass swayed lazily in the breeze,
The cool wind made ripples in ponds quite grand,
Cattle grazed quietly in the tall trees.

Fields of wildflowers, cover’d in white snow,
Were drinking from the ice-cover’d river.
High up in the grasses was a white crow.
The moon resembled a small cheese sliver.

The townspeople, dressed in parkas, were out
To round up their herds of longhorn llamas;
The honey bees were beginning to sprout,
Searching for fresh floral-print pajamas.

Another normal day in La-La Land,
Said mister Dali to his melting hand.

Those who do not get the Salvador Dali reference should go check Wikipedia. And those who are Googling to see if I plagiarized this sonnet: 5th period. I was Hamlet.

List of Loopiness

  • Kommandant of commas
  • Sultan of spelling
  • Advocate of adverbs
  • Adjutant of adjectives
  • Savant of style
  • King of correctness
  • Guru of grammar
  • Partisan of participles
  • Mogul of modifiers
  • General of gerunds
  • Pontiff of punctuation
  • Archbishop of articles
  • Kaiser of clauses
  • Fountain of phonetics
  • Syndicate of syntax
  • Dystopia of dyslexia
  • Conductor of conjunctions
  • Purveyor of periods
  • Secretary of semicolons
  • Mullah of metaphor
  • Imam of imagery
  • Admiral of ampersands
  • Priest of perspective
  • Apostle of apostrophe
  • Hyperion of hyperbole
  • Deity of dependent clauses

And so on.

WordPress Upgrade

WordPress MU on blogs.scienceforums.net has now been upgraded to WordPress MU 2.7. You should notice that your admin screen has been drastically re-vamped
and re-shinied.

If you notice any odd problems, detail them here (with the error message) and I’ll try to fix them ASAP.

The Insanity

You can tell there’s something wrong with our system of keeping GPAs based on class average — i.e. out of 100 instead of out of the 4-point scale — when I get annoyed that I have a 96 in a class.

Stupid system.

Authentication Sucks

For a while I’ve been thinking about the classic Internet dilemma: authentication. For trust to work on the Internet, you need to (a) be able to verify the server you’re connecting to is the one it claims it is and (b) be able to prove you are who you claim you are.

(a) is a problem mostly solved by SSL/TLS (though there are a few lingering problems — and a lot of people ignore when SSL is not there). But (b) is a much larger problem.

Continue reading →

Textbooks suck

Today I was looking through my introductory calculus textbook* for no particular reason. Well, I say introductory, but I think that’s a particularly bad choice of word.

You see, it was clearly intended to be an introductory text, but it failed at that rather miserably. I’ll give an example. Here’s how the textbook introduces the basic technique used to find derivatives (derivatives can give you the slope of a graphed function at any point on the curve):

To find the tangent to a curve $latex y = f(x)$ at a point $latex P(a,f(a))$ we use the same dynamic procedure. We calculate the slope of the secant line through $latex P$ and a point $latex Q(a + h,f(a+h))$. We then investigate the limit of the slope as $latex h to 0$. If the limit exists, it is the slope of the curve at $latex P$ and we define the tangent at $latex P$ to be the line through $latex P$ having this slope.

Whew. To figure out what that means, even to someone good at math, takes several moments of thinking to understand what the hell all the symbols and points and stuff are referring to, and how that gives the slope of a line. Compare the method used by the textbook to how Dave explained derivatives in his calculus tutorial (later edited and reposted by me). Sure, it’s longer Dave’s way, but you’re left actually knowing what is going on.

The textbook gets worse from there. It’d be more useful to someone who already understands the concepts and just wants to check some obscure property of logarithms or something. Understanding is buried beneath mounds of mathematical rigor.

If we want people to understand math, or at least not hate learning it, we’re going to have to make our textbooks less painful for a start. Take a look at the way Randall Munroe explains some basic physics in his blog: cartoon diagrams and jokes about death rays. Isn’t it so much more fun that way?

If I had more time on my hands, and if I could draw, I’d be writing a complete introduction to calculus. With stick figures, lasers, and actually understandable text.

Maybe I should try.

* Calculus: Graphical, Numerical, Algebraic, by Finney, Demana, Waits, and Kennedy.

Musical Complexity

My family likes classical music. It’s just the way we are. I grew up listening to all sorts of classical composers, from Strauss to Gershwin, and I got used to the musical style: complex themes, and variations on those themes, played with a symphony of different instrument types all carefully orchestrated to fit together perfectly.

Then I step outside of my house and I hear modern music. “Pop” music — i.e. what is on the top of the Billboard charts right now — is starkly different from classical. There’s vague background music, but that’s unimportant. The only important part of the song, it seems, is the singer. (Just listen to I Kissed A Girl, if you can stand it, for a good example of this.) The complexity of the music has dropped by many orders of magnitude.

I noticed this and thought “is this a real trend? Is music getting simpler?” So I looked back through some older music. Stuff like Hotel California, by The Eagles. Hotel California has anywhere between five and eight guitar parts alone, depending on which version you look at, plus percussion and a vocalist. The music is prominent, not just the vocals. If you look at other bands from “back in the day”, like The Beatles, they’re all similar: they have at least one or two guitar parts, bass, percussion, and some other stuff mixed in (The Beatles even used violins and cellos and stuff in some of their works). They’re more complex than modern pop music, but certainly not as complicated as a classical piece.

For most of the music I have heard, this trend holds true: music is decreasing in technical complexity as the vocals become the dominant part. Perhaps this is true only for the genres I have listened to or the bands I have chosen, but I think it’s rather compelling. What do you think? I’d be especially interested to see if there are any popular modern bands that buck the trend and go for musical complexity.

Magic

For the past year and a half, I’ve been a card magician. I started learning some basic sleight of hand techniques with cards and I’m now producing cards out of people’s pockets and making a chosen card appear in a sealed envelope halfway across the room.

Magic isn’t just a way to make other people feel stupid. It’s a lot of things:

  • It’s mental exercise. Devising card tricks requires ingenuity and a lot of cleverness. And a very devious mind.
  • It’s improv. I’ve learned more about giving speeches and public presentations through magic than I have out of speech classes and years of giving presentations at school. Why? Because 95% of magic is getting people to pay attention to what you’re saying rather than what you’re doing. Without my constant chatter, people would notice every move I make.
  • It’s incredibly fun. After a while, once the initial “oh my god they might figure it out” nervousness is past, magic is just fun. You know exactly what to do and you can start improvising new lines to say depending on the situation. (Protip: ask the audience to come up with their own magic words. Don’t let them pick “abracadabra.” You’ll probably hear some very interesting new magic phrases to try.)
  • It’s entertainment for everyone. I’ve never gone up to anyone and said “let me do a card trick.” All I have to do is start playing with a deck of cards and everyone goes “do a card trick! That one where you make it change colors!”
  • It’s a way to get out of boring card games with relatives. All you have to do is produce their card out of your pocket and they’ll be too suspicious of you to let you play…
  • If you’re in a team competition, it’s a way to intimidate the other teams. Trust me. I’ve tried this one. (“We’re screwed! The other team has a guy who can make cards switch while you’re holding them in your hands!”)

Try it. If you want a good trick to learn, try this one (there’s a link to an explanation in the Related Videos box). It’s great fun, especially if you put the different-color card in a box and let someone hold it…