Cap’n Refsmmat’s Blog of Doom

First, read the poem What I Believe, by Michael Blumenthal. It’s crucial to understanding my poem.

What I Believe

I believe that unicorns exist,
but that dolphins and iguanas
are entirely imaginary.

I believe that a hamster’s bite
won’t kill a man,
but that his wife will.

I believe that the weirder you get,
the crazier you are,
but the more fun you have.

I believe that if you roll over at night
in a small bed,
you will fall off the side.

I believe that no one
is spared insanity,
but some people get too much of it.

I believe in determinism,
but that’s not my fault.

I believe that, when all
the clocks melt,
Dali goes on without them.

I believe that whatever
pulls us under,
will do so violently.

so as to alarm everyone,
so as to make them shout
and inspire generations of filmmakers.

And I believe that there are living poets
that are quite good,
but that I have yet to find any.

Limericks are fun. Science limericks more so.

A woman in liquor production
Owns a still of exquisite construction.
The alcohol boils
Through magnetic coils.
She says that it’s “proof by induction.”

(You’ll want to think about the pun there for a little while.)

– via limerickdb.com