Category Archives: Humor

Fruit Flies Like a Banana

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The Quantum Pontiff on Occupational Arrows of Time

Time goes up, damnit, and that’s all there is to it. Or so say the physicists writing on their blackboards.
Oh I hear you. Yes there are physicists for which time doesn’t always go up, but which can also go up but also in a circle. Yes, Virginia, general relativity allows those crazy solutions (nevermind that they might not be stable.) But those are really loopy physicists who believe in closed-time-like curves. I mean, that sect of the physicists is always going on and on and on about killing their grandfather. Sheesh they’re enough to make Oedipus jealous (and why is that they kill grandfathers all the time and not their fathers?)

I think the kerfuffle is about grandfathers and their pair o’ ducks, but you get the idea.

Doolittling

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ANIMAL TALES by Simon Rich

What animals talk about.

DALMATIANS
“Hey, look, the truck’s stopping.”
“Did they take us to the park this time?”
“No—it’s a fire. Another horrible fire.”
“What the hell is wrong with these people?”

Still, “I’m going to the vet’s to get tutored” beats all. (Whatever happened to Gary Larson, anyway?)

The Butlersaurus Did It

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Dinosaur extinction: what they don’t want you to know

Like, the Larsonite hypothesis

During the last days of the Mesozoic, the dinosaurs took to smoking. This unfortunate activity led to a higher incidence of lung cancer and other diseases, and as such ended up wiping out the dinosaurs.
This hypothesis is much simpler than the others presented on this page, and thus more credible. Most research on it these days is carried out at the Midvale School for the Gifted.