Daily Archives: November 22, 2009

This Just In

Posted on by

The Onion: Eagles Settle For Field Goal After 260-Yard Drive

“It’s disappointing not to score a touchdown when you keep a drive alive for more than three and a half quarters,” said quarterback Donovan McNabb, who completed 32 of his 66 passes, converted 26 first downs, and was carted off the field for X-rays twice during the drive.

Patriots Lead Colts At Halftime

The Colts offense, however, with Manning’s young receiving corps, has committed several significant errors. But the Indianapolis defense has fared even worse, and has only been able to stop pass plays of four yards or fewer, an insignificant advantage that a seasoned coach like Belichick will find easy to avoid.

“We have to do a better job in the second half, there’s no question about that,” Manning said while heading to the tunnel. “Problem is, the Pats simply never, ever, ever hand the game to you. You have to earn it. If we sit back and wait for them to screw up, we’re sunk, plain and simple.”

If You Don't Know, I'm not Going to Tell You

Posted on by

Annoy and upset in ten (expensive) moves

Sex
Once you’re having carnal relations with someone it’s a fair assumption that you already approve of each other to a high degree. Don’t let that fool you into believing there is no room left for upset. There is a little known companion volume to the Karma Sutra which lists the 1001 ways you can upset someone in bed. The use of the adjectives ‘small’ or ‘quick’ or ‘disappointing’ are almost guaranteed to cause offence especially when all used together. As quite a lot of sex tends to be small and quick and disappointing the best way to avoid upset is to use the phrase ‘that took me to somewhere I’ve never been before’ without of course being specific about the exact place and whether or not it was worth visiting.