Daily Archives: June 22, 2010

I Have to Issue You a Ticket

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For violating the laws of physics

Violations of conservation of energy
Count #1: The ball is traveling much faster at the top of the first loop than when it rolls down the ramp just above it
Count #2: The ball comes off the green elastic faster than when it hit

Count #3: The ball come to rest just below the rubber band, and
Count #4: again on the left on the second ramp from the bottom,

yet has enough energy to launch the next ball all the way to the top

The launching device should be a cannon triggered by a pushbutton, to plausibly add energy to the system.

(updated to add #2 and renumber other violations)

… And Then a Hockey Game Broke Out

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The Onion: South African Vuvuzela Philharmonic Angered By Soccer Games Breaking Out During Concerts

Spontaneous high-caliber soccer games have thus far plagued every orchestral vuvuzela performance of the season, which opened June 11 at Cape Town Stadium. As musicians took their places in the stands and began warming up for the evening’s performance of lighter pieces by post-minimalist composers, they noticed the audience was not sitting in its traditional place in the stadium’s central area.

As the Philharmonic learned later, its only spectators were the national football sides of France and Uruguay, who played to a 0-0 tie as the frustrated vuvuzela virtuosi played a full program of concerti written for the distinctive straight plastic horn.

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I can’t wait for the next Austin Powers movie, with Vuvu Zela as the annoying Jar-Jar-Binksian sidekick who drones on and on in a loud abrasive monotone, not really talking.

Dr. Evil: Vuvu, what do you think of my evil plan?
Vuvu: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Weeeeeeeeeellllllllll, uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh …