Evolutionary Acceleration Research Institute Ready to Start “Squirrel Smasher”

Scientists currently rely on computer simulations to smash biological units, but simulations can only do so much, and without the visceral enjoyment of seeing two squirrels collide at thousands of miles an hour.

Malwin said there will be controls in place to prevent new undesirable species from forming. “Only species of the same type will be smashed together, so you don’t have to worry about the flying rat, or poisonous Chihuahua nightmare scenarios.”

Wait, what about nanoevolution happening during the collision, changing the theoretical subbiological particles? Madness, I tell you, madness. It’ll be the end of the world. Biologists should be aware of the particle physics maxim: that which is not forbidden is mandated. Poisonous Chihuahuas and antiChihuahuas are inevitable. (Flying rats already exist. They’re called pigeons)

via Pharyngula