Teleport, Shmeleport

Today’s xkcd is about quantum teleportation, but the problem isn’t that journalists write the “same disappointed story” whenever quantum teleportation is being reported. It’s that they still report that teleportation is somehow connected to moving matter around, whether they’ve been waved off about it or not; the latter would be because they didn’t vet their story. They are almost Pavlovian (does that name ring a bell?) in their need to include the reference to Star Trek.

That’s only a small deduction in judging the overall message, though. (Especially the title tag, where Randall zings the sensationalization of story titles)

Playing Hard to Get

Giving your new results away too soon

[W]here do you announce your results first: in the title? In the abstract? In the introduction? Or, in the results paragraph? If you wait to long your paper will become a whodunit and readers will get bored and stop reading your paper. If the clue of your paper is already in the title you might fear that many of your readers will only read your title and will then go on to read the next paper.

It depends on the type of paper, but I think you generally give your main result in the abstract. The paper gives the details of how you did it, context and information about other related research (but not in that order)

Meanwhile, Down Below

Phone conversation overheard in Hell’s IT department:

Sir, I have to get you to change your password to comply with the new protocols.

It’s to keep our servers safe, sir. We’re at risk. There are a lot of hackers out there.

Well, yes, sir, many of them are hellraisers, and ultimately that’s a good thing, but we were pwned last week and a religious inspirational page was up instead of ours.

It’s computer jargon, sir, never mind. This is about your password.

Sir, we have a great firewall but I’m afraid it’s not good enough anymore.

No, sir, more brimstone won’t help. It’s the internet sir — there are too many savvy hackers out there, and we have to stay ahead of the curve.

Yes, having Al Gore help start it and then look foolish for claiming to have invented it was genius. So was getting him to champion global warming so that lots of people could deny it. But your password sir. It needs to be changed. At least eight characters, with capitals, numbers and symbols.

I know 666 is your number, sir. Everybody knows. That’s the problem.

Yes, eight characters. And to give you a horns up, fifteen characters is coming as soon as we upgrade the server software. And you’ll have to change it every 60 days. Can’t use words in the dictionary. Also, even though I know you will, I must tell you not to write it down.

No, sir, writing it in blood still counts.

I won’t argue with that, sir. It’s a pain in everyone’s rear. But if it’s any consolation, these policies are being adopted topside, so if it’s any consolation, you can say they are using the security measures from hell.

Yes, sir, I know “alphanumeric of the beast” doesn’t have the same ring to it. Maybe PR can help you with that sir. Goodbye, sir.

Life is a Cabernet, Old Chum

Using NMR to check the fitness of wines (Don’t bother with this, for multiple reasons, if they have a bottlecap instead of a cork)

Nuclear Magnetic Resonance Spectroscopy Makes Sure Wine is Fit For the Queen of England

When wine hits 1.4 grams of acetic acid per liter it is considered bad. Although the average bottle of vinegar has around 12.50 grams acetic acid per liter the difference is nothing to take lightly. NMR measures acetic acid in wine down to the tenth of a gram.

Up to 10 percent of wine spoilage comes from the oxygen-alcohol blend. Cork taint, from the 2, 4, 6-tricloroanisol molecule accounts for the other main contributor of wine spoilage. Though NMR is only used in locating oxidation based spoilage, it is still a major breakthrough in the wine world, especially when it comes to auctions.

Auctioneers say as many as 50 percent of the vintages pre-1950 auctioned at places like Christie’s or Zachy’s, where $2000 bottles are the norm, are spoiled. Augustine says that when it comes to exquisite wine the importance of protecting the investment is up to an individual.

And Tyler Colman asks, “Why use a cork in the first place?” when dealing with wines that are a little lower in cost.

Drink Outside the Box

Although some sommeliers may scoff at wine from a plastic spigot, boxes are perfect for table wines that don’t need to age, which is to say, all but a relative handful of the top wines from around the world. What’s more, boxed wine is superior to glass bottle storage in resolving that age-old problem of not being able to finish a bottle in one sitting. Once open, a box preserves wine for about four weeks compared with only a day or two for a bottle. Boxed wine may be short on charm, but it is long on practicality.