Category Archives: Silly

It's Not the LHC Black Holes That Will Destroy Us

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Evolutionary Acceleration Research Institute Ready to Start “Squirrel Smasher”

Scientists currently rely on computer simulations to smash biological units, but simulations can only do so much, and without the visceral enjoyment of seeing two squirrels collide at thousands of miles an hour.

Malwin said there will be controls in place to prevent new undesirable species from forming. “Only species of the same type will be smashed together, so you don’t have to worry about the flying rat, or poisonous Chihuahua nightmare scenarios.”

Wait, what about nanoevolution happening during the collision, changing the theoretical subbiological particles? Madness, I tell you, madness. It’ll be the end of the world. Biologists should be aware of the particle physics maxim: that which is not forbidden is mandated. Poisonous Chihuahuas and antiChihuahuas are inevitable. (Flying rats already exist. They’re called pigeons)

via Pharyngula

FAIL

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The fastest clock in the world, my ass.

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Oooooh. It displays six whole digits past the decimal. Down to the microsecond. (can you sense the sarcasm?) It’s a display. Just because it reads that many digits doesn’t mean the measurement actually has that precision.

I’ve wanted to get a display that went to the picosecond for the lab, but have it flash 12:00:00.000000000000 the whole time. Add it to the list of my unadopted suggestions.

“I see no progress in this industry. These clocks are no faster than the ones they made a hundred years ago.” — Henry Ford

Bwahahahaha

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CBS sues NFL Players over fantasy football

CBS has filed a federal lawsuit in Minneapolis to clarify who can use the statistics that underlie fantasy football leagues.

The lawsuit filed earlier this week claims the NFL Players Association has threatened to sue the company if it does not pay licensing fees for the statistics.

CBS Interactive seeks a ruling saying that the players cannot control use of the publicly available numbers and cannot demand that CBS pays for their use.

Baseball has already lost a suit in which they wanted leagues to pay for the right to use players’ names. How freaking greedy can these millionaires get? One can argue that fantasy leagues promote more viewership — especially of otherwise uninteresting games, where you have a stake in the performance of a player or two but care not a whit for either team.

Bless His/Her Heart

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Back to School, Nifty Sayings & Bless Your Heart

Richie’s Nifty List of 5 Sayings You Can Probably Use Without Getting Fired

[…]

At a recent summer workshop, we decided that you can say just about anything as long as you end your statement with “Bless her heart” or “Bless his heart.” Now before you go off being a naysaying unbeliever just try saying these little ditties aloud and you’ll see what I mean…

“Oh my, she’s dumber than a bag of cat hair, bless her heart.”

“Oh my goodness, his classroom management skills are absolutely horrible, bless his heart.”

“She certainly gained quite a bit of weight over the summer, bless her heart.”